Wow.

Oooo boy. Have not been on here in forever. This is like, meeting an old friend that you never really were friends with in the first place, and then realizing why you never did become friends, because said "friend" is far too annoying to be a real friend. But, I digress. Maybe it's time to give the blog another chance.

Let's see... Obviously no one is going to read this, so I might as well be talking, er... typing to myself. Which is quite fun, once you think about it. This will be my personal soapbox, preaching against all that I find that goes against the throes of justice. And believe you me, I got a lot to talk about. So much stuff is stupid. Like apple pie. What's the deal with that?

Well, the world has gone to poop. Who knows, maybe it's a good thing. Going to poop probably can save the world, since if remember correctly, poop can be used as an energy source. And let's be honest, we pretty much have an unlimited supply. I say we take advantage of it. Can you say poop-powered car? Anyone? Hello?

On to the next segment then. If you've got a problem, fix it yourself. Unless you want the person you tell the problem to to begin manipulating and fixing the system. It's best you do these things by yourself. It's the best way, believe me. You'll just become their puppet, as they laugh maniacally pulling the strings of your proverbial marionette.

Big words are fun.

Turkey makes me tired.

Big Bird is yellow.

Goodbye to my love, my sweet Roisin Dubh

Goodbye, until we meet again. Not really, but I've always wanted to write that. Makes me feel special you know? No, of course you don't. Well, hello loyal reader, how have you been? Loyal reader, you know who you are. If you aren't loyal reader, welcome to the story, you should've been here earlier. Anywho, loyal reader, this post is for you. Not really, but in a way since you are the only one to read it, yes, it is for you. So be ready to read loyal reader, because this will blow your mind. Maybe. Probably not. But still, read. No! Don't leave! Come back! This story will whither and die without you!!! NOOO!!! Oh, you didn't leave? My bad. I apologize for my outburst.

Roberto's new found wing left him with many oppurtunities. His mission, should he choose to accept it (which he did) was simple. Construct a time machine. Go back to 1980 and infiltrate the gangster filled utopia that was Las Vegas, and become a private detective to take down the gangster empire before it was too late. You may think that gangsters no longer own Vegas, but come on, get real. Gangsters own everything. Even you. Yes, that tatoo that appeared on your forehead this morning means you are gangster property. Cool huh?

"Hey Roberto, can I ask you a personal question? Not that you have to answer. I mean, you never answer anything, but it's cool. Your so amazingly beautiful that you don't have to speak, but like, why don't you talk?"

This question had been on Kendall's mind for a long time now. She wanted to know the answer. Zombie gave an approving grunt and head nod while she nibbled on the head of a dead deer, freshly obtained from the morning hunt. Zombie had to eat flesh, and Roberto forbid her the flesh of humans. Actually, my editors wouldn't allow such violence, so you'll have to make do with a deer head. Sorry, cannibalism will be illegal forever probably.

Roberto stroked his chin with his wing. Truth is, he didn't speak not because he didn't know how. Kendall and Zombie talked so much that it was hard not to learn english from listening. He didn't speak because he knew nothing about himself. One day he woke up, and he was Roberto the Astonishlingly Handsome Brazilian Delivery Boy. He had no idea how he got the job, or when. All he knew was his name. Roberto.

But was that his name? He never did know for sure. Doubt began to flood his mind. No birth certificate had ever been shown. He never met his parents. All he'd known was delivering, and now this orginization. His newfound powers surprised everyone but him, because he never knew anything different. As he built his time machine, a single tear flowed down his perfectly constructed cheek. Roberto was alone.

:'(

"Kendall, the machine is finished. Stop spinning around and walk in." Zombie was becoming quite frustrated with Kendall's hijinks and random actions.

"Coming mother. Hahahahaha! See what I did? I made fun of you? Oh dang, just kidding Mckayla/Zombie, your the greatest!"

Roberto heard none of this. His mind was off, wandering. Thoughts of past dreams were rising to the peak of his consience. At least, he'd always thought they were dreams. Blurred and unreal, they seeemed so far off. Could these be memories? Perhaps everything he thought he knew was wrong. Perhaps he was not Roberto, perhaps he was not Brazilian...

After all, his features were anything but Brazilian. He had a mop of very light brown hair, nearly blonde. His deep blue eyes could pierce your soul. Not freckle could be found on his face, but speckling his arms were many smaller brown spots. His built muscular frame stood at an average height of 6'1, but his pronounced muscles showed that he must have done something besides delivering in life.

Memories of farming in a beautiful green field, a man and woman smiling at him. Their hair was greying, with some brown streaks in the mans and red in the womans. The man was covered in freckles everywhere, but they did not detract from his countenance. Overall, Roberto could tell that he was probably a handsome fellow in his day.

The woman had no freckles on her face, save for one close to her bottom lip. Her arms were covered though, which gave her a strange attractiveness. Her greying red hair flowed to her shoulders, straight and flying in the wind. Her face was kind but stern, and had a welcoming sense to it. Besides the hair, she looked just like Roberto...

She looked just like Roberto. So did the man. They could not just be a dream, this meant something! They must be his parents! But the field, what was it? What were him and his parents doing?

Digging deep into his brain, he scoured all thoughts to discover his past. Small brown shapes, smelling dirty but tasting sweet and soft. The insides were pure white when you peeled the brown skin off. Potatoes... I was a potato farmer. My parents and I were potato farmers. Yes I've taken over the narrative. Still, please pay attetntion.

"I was a potato farmer." Kendall and Zombie stood, amazed that I had spoken.

The green... What country is green! Brazil never had much green to it, more beach and coconuts... I can't have been born there, I don't even sound Brazilian. I'm not American either. My voice has a certain scrappiness, an edge to it. I suspect that I'm either from an English village, or an Irish settlement. What was it called.... Castlewellan. Castlewellan, Ireland. I'm Irish. The troubles in Castlewellan... In 1980, my parents Catholic friend James was killed... I remember how sad they were, they didn't stop crying forever...

"I just wanted them to be happy again!"

I couldn't stand to see them cry... I wanted to show them it was alright! A death is sad, but we can still move forward! I was still young then, I must've been four or five...

"What year is it?"

Kendall seemed confused. "What kind of question is that? Why are you finally talking?"

"Just tell me! What year is it!"

"1998! Stop yelling! What's wrong!"

Her words were drowned out by the roar of the time machine. I couldn't hear her, until later when she asked again. I guess it wasn't later though, becasue we went back to 1980. Here we, are, step out.

I stepped out into a huge field. The same field from my memories. I could see my parents, hugging and crying.... I wasn't even there to stop them. Where am I? This is where I go to help them! This is where I go and tell them it's not so bad, we are all alright!

"I'm sorry dear... James meant so much to me too. It's times like these that Robert's death is so much harder..."

"Quiet Mary, don't think about things like that! Robert died only days after birth, we need to realize this and progress!"

My father... He always said that to me. But, Robert, dying? What is this? I'm Robert.... Not Roberto. But I'm alive...

We continue the epic story of June Carter Cash

"SAVE US ROBERTO!!!" yelled the Zombie Mckayla.

Kendall and Zombie fell at an increasingly fast increasing speed. Increasing at a very increasable rate. It seemed as if there was nothing Roberto could do to save his female counterparts. Strangely, Zombie Mckayla had begun to formulate full sentences and coherent thoughts. She also no longer had the urge to destroy the world with her zombie army.

The doctors believed this happened for a variety of reasons. No man or woman is quite sure how she regained her thoughts and mind. Most believe that she never did lose her control after becoming a zombie, but that she was merely faking to gain attention or to throw off the hero so she could swoop in and destroy him.

(Actually, the censors came down on that section of the story and called it too violent for a family oriented story. But I digress. Let us get back to the near-death scene. Read it quick, as I suspect this following graphic content could be edited out later. OH NOS!)

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!"
They fell far and away, as Roberto watched them sink into the distance. There was no way he could ever catch up to them, they had fallen too far. Pity, thought Roberto. He was finally beginning to like them.

Suddenly, Roberto sprouted one single white wing out of his back. Strange, yes, but incredibly convienent and able to this story in many ways in the future and create interesting plot developments. He flew down, speeding faster than a speeding bullet, faster than Kendall could run to a new book or Zombie could run away from one of her zombie stalkers.

Swiftly and deftly catching Zombie and Kendall, Roberto swooped them to the ground, but noticed that Zombie seemed to be missing an arm.

"What a terrible twist that fate hath bestowed us! A plague on your houses fate! A PLAGUE!!!"

"Whoa Kendall, slow down. All I lost was my arm. It's not that important anyway. Not like I used it for anything." Zombie seemed quite confused. She didn't think she needed an arm! How silly!

Roberto, being one of sound mind and body, knew that Zombies had simple tissue and regenerative systems. Simply picking up the arm, he placed it onto Zombie's shoulder socket, and there it sat, and meshed back into the flesh, or well, zombie stuff of Zombie.

Roberto, flexing his wing, smiled, and felt quite proud of his day so far.

OMG NOOOOOOOOOO!!!!

Now. The time has come. IS THIS THE END? Only you, loyal readers, will decide.

After the rain had fallen...

Roberto and Kendall began to set off on their mission, when suddenly they were confronted by none other than a former member of their party, Zombie Mckayla.

"Braaiiinnnss....." moaned the zombie.

"HECK YES!!!" laughed Kendall.

Roberto wondered about the new perdicament, and what might his idol, King Zach Phillip Tortellini, late of Pablo Bankersthere, what a scene. Over men and horses hoops and garters, lastly through a hogs head, OF REAL FIRE! In this way, Mr. K will challenge the WORLD!!!

"What are doing sitting there staring at the rock formations Roberto?" Kendall enquired.

Roberto did not quite know, thus he did not speak. For man should be swift to listen, slow to speak, and slow to wrath. For the Cretians are always liars, slow bellies.

As Roberto pondered these thoughts in his head, Zombie and Kendall decided to set off to climb the rock mountain looming ahead of them. Tall as 5o buildings, and red like the rose on a thorn bush, like all the colors of a royal flush, they began to climb. Dangerous and boldy going where no man-er, woman-er, zombie and woman had gone before, they began the ascent to the unkown distance of the great beyond. The reached the top, and the change came in disguise of revelation, set his soul on fire. Meaning Roberto.

Roberto's soul, being on fire, allowed him to ascend the formation quite speedily and swiftly. However, the sheer speed of his awesomeness caused Kendall and Zombie to lose their grip.

They began to fall...

HAHAHA

I tricked you!!! LOOK THERESS TWO POSTS!!!!

The real story of the relationship between Tommy Lee Jones and Will Smith

Well, back in the 1800's Kendall and Samantha were quite the duo. They went around fighting crime and saving innocent peasants from dastardly landlords and evil Queens. They gained the support of the peasants and eventually overthrew the oppressive American government of Andrew Jackson and Samuel L. Jackson, Andrew Jackson's secret Vice President.

The British did not appreciate this however, and thus began the war of 1812. Kendall and Samantha began to defend their country, now called Kenamanthaville. The peasants loved them, although Kendall and Samantha secretly wished they would all die, or at least go take a shower. Each year of the war, which strangely lasted till 2003(don't believe the history books kiddies). Kendall and Samantha had drastically different agendas about the war however, which proved to become a fatal flaw in their friendship.

The Kenamanthavillians slowly drove the British back to Brittania. Kendall was ready for peace so she could get back to formulating her plan for world domination, but Samantha was ready to kill all their enemies and destroy the world. Both wanted the same goal, but disagreed on how to get it. Thus began a series of assassination attempts on each other. (WARNING: SEMI-VIOLENT CONTENT APPROACHING YOUR COMPUTER SCREEN!!!)

Kendall placed a briefcase full of deadly explosives under Samantha's desk(contrary to popular belief, this was not done by German rebels against Hitler). She was sure she had her. The bombs were set to explode the minute Samantha sat in her chair, but a maid moved the briefcase, and the contents thereof started the Israeli War for Independence.

Samantha placed muscle relaxants in Kendalls drink to attempt to cause her heart to stop beating, and therefore die. But she did not count on Kendall already using drugs daily, so she had built up an immune to them and the drugs just caused Kendall to became even more happy and loopy. There were many more attempts, each stupider and more futile than the first. Suffice to say, they both still live, and both still despise each other.